Our Birth Story

TW: birth trauma

This all happened very early on Tuesday, April 16. Let’s rewind just a tiny bit! Over the weekend, Peyton and I planned a beach day - the weather was beautiful and the water was finally warm in St. Pete! We drove for HOURS up and down the coast looking for parking before we accepted defeat and drove home. I was crying - absolutely devastated that I couldn’t float with the dolphins at almost 9 months pregnant. That Monday, we decided to get Chick-fil-A and have a sunset date at the beach. We sat in our chairs holding hands and I said, “this feels like the last something.” Peyton asked if I meant last night before having a baby, or the last sunset date before having a baby, or what … and I wasn’t sure. It just felt like a beautiful last something. We took some pictures of my VERY big belly before stopping at Cold Stone on the way home. I left my half-eaten cup of chocolate peanut butter ice cream on the kitchen counter next to the sink for P to finish and told him I was too tired to shower before bed - I made a joke that I would go into labor that night because it was the first night in weeks I didn’t shower before bed just in case.

… and then I literally did hahaha. I woke up at 1:30am to pee, a very normal occurrence for me in the third trimester, but was so tired I just laid in bed for a second trying to figure out if it was actually worth it to go to the bathroom or if I should just go back to sleep when all of a sudden I felt something. Scared I was going to soak the bed, I threw my legs and booty over the side of the mattress like I was crab walking and stood up…to my water breaking. I wobbled over to the bathroom and sat down in silence. P was asleep and I needed a minute to process what had just happened. The shock wore off and the panic set in and I gently whispered “Peyton, my water just broke” to my husband who could sleep through a fire alarm. He immediately sat straight up, said “WHAT?!” and jumped out of bed. He started throwing socks into our almost-fully-packed hospital bag while I called my mom, crying about how scared I was. My dad gave me a pep talk and assured me I would be fine while my mom threw any clothes she could find into a bag to pack - they were still in South Carolina, thinking we had weeks before baby would make his arrival. I wasn’t feeling any pain yet, but I was feeling gross from being at the beach + not showering + my water breaking, so against literally everyone’s demands I took a quick body shower while my very excited husband loaded the car.

I remember feeling very emotional saying goodbye to our puppy girls. Their whole world was about to be turned upside down! In the car, I called my sister who lives in the next county over (and her sleeping husband) multiple times until they answer. I beg her to immediately get in the car and meet us at the hospital, but she assures me we have plenty of time. We call P’s family to let them know what’s happening, then we hang up and drive to our hospital in pitch darkness, with barely any cars around us. He kept asking if I wanted to stop at McDonald’s for food - I was starting to get hungry, but I was so scared something was going to go wrong in delivery and they would need to knock me out for a c-section so I didn’t want any unnecessary food in my stomach (lol…anxiety).

We got to the hospital around 2:30am ish. In the lobby, P got peanut m&ms and a coca cola but I was still too stressed to eat. We made our way to triage and I forgot to take a last bump pic (honestly devastated about that still) and had my cervix checked for the first time - I was at 1cm and oh my goodness that check was EXCRUCIATING.

Since I was a first time mom and not having contractions, they wanted to start me on cytotec but I declined since we had literally just arrived. We somehow got checked into the biggest delivery room the hospital had (it was amazing) and I progressed naturally to 5cm around 8:45 am-ish I think before getting an epidural with 45 second contractions every minute and a half. The pain started to kick in and I found the most relief sitting in the bathroom with a squatty potty (in my hospital notes, a nurse put “patient refused to get off toilet” hahaha) and on the birthing ball, digging my head into Peyton’s shoulder. That epidural was sent straight from God! The contractions slowed a little bit so they put me on pitocin ('“the lowest dose”) and I was at 10cm around 10:15am. My sister made it to the hospital about ten minutes after my nurse told me I was at 10cm - the timing could not have been any more perfect. I started pushing an hour later for 40ish min with HGTV and my Christian Hypnobirthing tape on in the background! I felt a tiny bit of pressure when his head was coming out but literally no pain - the actual birth was so fun to me. It felt like it was taking forever since I couldn’t see the progress we were making, but my OB and nurse were amazing and P and my sister were cheering me on literally the entire time.

After they put my sweet baby boy on my chest, my OB made a comment and I asked if something was wrong. She said there was more bleeding than she wanted to see and that she needed an OR. I immediately started panicking, I have never been so scared in my life. P and my sister both said separate prayers over me, then I was rushed to the OR without either of them because I was hemorrhaging — at some point before we left the room I think I delivered the placenta but have no idea how or when.

Once in the OR, my OB walked up while the others set up the room and tools and asked if there was any music I’d like to listen to. My gut response was Jonas Brothers, but I croaked out “worship music” knowing I needed God. She asked if Lauren Daigle’s Pandora station was ok and I somehow said/nodded yes.

We were in the OR for about an hour with 2 cervical lacerations and a 2nd degree perineal tear (the perineal tear wasn’t an issue, it was the fact that there was so much blood in the delivery room so she could only find 1 cervical laceration initially). I asked my labor nurse to hold my hand and she did, she was so kind to me, and the anesthesiologist untangled my necklaces. I could hear the suction tool and that made my fear so much greater, hearing how constant it was. I was getting sleepy (probably from the sheer exhaustion of being sleep deprived and pushing a baby out) but felt like I needed to force myself to stay awake.

According to Peyton and my sister, there was blood all over the floor in the delivery room - an OR nurse also made a comment about how my doctor was going to get in trouble for how much blood she left in the hallway on the way to the OR. On top of that, my OB also made a comment that implied I was the second bloodiest patient she’s seen — I’m flattered? Hahaha I had to keep vaginal packing and the catheter in for about 24 hours after birth.

I remember telling my labor nurse in the OR about how worried my poor husband must be, I was picturing him crying in the delivery room. Once they finish repairing me and I get wheeled back, I see my shirtless husband standing in the doorway beaming with the biggest smile I’ve ever seen. He said “look how cute the baby is!” … completely (and thankfully lol) oblivious to the fact that I was near death. I don’t blame him though, our baby is one cute baby. My sister brushed my hair and wiped me down with a wet wipe bc #stinky, then my mom and dad finally made it to the hospital shortly after!

Cervical lacerations are extremely rare, much less two! I feel such mixed emotions about my labor and delivery experience. On the one hand, I feel like I had the most beautiful and peaceful labor experience and I found the delivery part to be so fun and empowering. It was the immediate aftermath that’s so had to process.

I missed out on my newborn baby’s entire golden hour. I barely heard his first cries - a nurse in the OR asked me what color his eyes were and I had to look at my labor nurse for the answer because I had no idea. I didn’t need a transfusion and am so grateful for that, but I ended up in the ER twice my first month of postpartum because my anxiety was so high.

All that being said, I am so lucky for my experience. I am so lucky I didn’t have to labor for days like so many first time moms do, I am so lucky I was able to get an epidural, I am so lucky I got to experience a vaginal childbirth in a room full of love and happiness.